A Guide to Speak Dating Like a Zoomer: Fifty-One Ultra-Specific Terms for Love, Intimacy and Bad Behaviour

This period signifies a full decade since the word “ghosting” entered the common lexicon. At the time, the concept that someone could abruptly cease contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the height of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes unsuccessful pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated challenge on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive glossary to the phrases Zoomers is using to discuss love, intimacy and the search of both. To echo one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

A

Genuineness – In the view of gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's response is engaged or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while radiating mystery and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This means seeking out someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to couples who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks signaling a prospective partner is trouble. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, poor tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions validate your choice to date a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that instantly extinguish any sense of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {